Back home in Shropshire. So feel a bit of a cheat posting on NTW from foreign shores...

I've had the itch and so been looking for some theatrical/artistic pursuits since being home. I've been to see a pretty good amature production in my "local" and I've been to a gallery space where I watched a man painting woodland creatures on pieces of slate as he told us stories of bird-watching and nudist colonies. I visited an open mic night, which consisted mainly of one scruffy boy playing songs about girls for two hours. I also looked into visiting a pottery class, and thought long and hard about whittling something before giving up and deciding, this winter my culture haven should just be T.V.

I don't mean to sound cynical... But it seems everywhere I turn all I see is men in bright purple wig's, women with moustaches, kamp side-kicks, failed soap-stars, deformed faux-fur horses and a clan of over enthusiastic dancing girls, who are on a binge of pure self-loathing and glitter getting sick and throwing up rainbows and unaccomplished dreams. It's Panto season.

Don't get me wrong I don't "hate" Panto. I've done Panto. I really enjoyed Panto. I've been to see Panto and... I've been to see Panto. It's just the abundance of Panto that I detest. In my local area alone (and I live in Gobowen-Arse-End-Of-No-Where-Upon-Tiddly-Murton) I can litteraly go and see a whole gaggle of fairy tales told by a mixture of men, women, children (and in some cases no doubt, animals) made to be entertaining and jolly for people of all ages!

Pantomime... With its traditional forms of whimsy (OH NO IT ISN'T!) and "wink wink" humour ("The kid's don't know I just referenced my penis... But you do!"). It's quasi-glitz-glamour-cheapo presentation, naff SFX, bit of singing and dancing accompanied by the pure torture of having to sit in a room full of screaming fidgety children for over an hour never fails to reduced us to a state of near comatosis, clapping our hands insanely and shouting at fully grown adult, warning him that a man with giant tit's is sneaking up behind him.

So, make your choice. Cinderella is playing at the Marches School, with it's alternate version playing less than twenty miles away in a village theatre in Baschurch, along with Theatre Severns Aladdin (or The Grand’s Aladdin your choice... Or go see both! YAY!) Robin Hood and the Babes in the Wood playing in Telford, and the Pirates of Penzanze playing in Chirk, which in my opinion is not a Pantomime, but as we all know competition is tough what with, Sleeping Beauty playing at The REP, Jack and The Beanstalk playing at The Grove Park Theatre, ANOTHER Cinderella playing at the Stwit (which is in the same area code as The Grove Park Theatre, by the way and stars Big Brother's Nikki Greyham, remember her? Yeah thought not.), Mother Goose at The Belgrade, or another Robin Hood in Solihull... Or if you can't get enough of that Cinderella woman everyones harping on about, go and see it at the Hippodrome.

I don't want to sound like a massive Scrooge (which co-incidentally is on at a few venues in Britain) and I'm certainly not having a go at the people who love Pantomime. I'm not having a go at the people who make it, see it, participate in it, get paid to do it, whatever. In fact I'm taking my neice to see one of the many Aladdin's. I'm simply saying theatres and venues up and down the country are full seven days a week for at least a month over this time of year! So although I can see all the good that Pantomime does for the "economy of theatre" isn't it a crying shame that these audiences can't be attracted the other 10 months?

Mind you, there's always Shakespeare in the park when summer rolls around.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!

 

 

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