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Comment by Gary Knowles on February 20, 2010 at 9:37

Hi Neil nice to meet up again last night , agree with Terry would love to hear these voices for radio and let your imagination do the rest however feel that it lost something from move from stage to screen.

I have never been a fan of video diaries but I guess the only way these could have been shot,definatley my favourites from the 7 originals though.

Gary

Comment by Terry Victor on October 21, 2009 at 6:15

Hi Neil,
only just seen your response - and in the meantime you have already sushied (I hope you found it more-ish). Take care, TV

Comment by Cari Barley on October 15, 2009 at 8:10

Hey Neil,

Man I wish I'd got the chance to do the girl's speech too! You guys have done a great job and I'm sorry to have missed out.

I feel like I can't comment very well on this piece because I didn't watch the stage show. However, I did feel like my reaction to this video doesn't correspond to the reaction we got at the Sherman. The video felt like a very serious piece, and the characters seemed to be really struggling; but the audience seemed to laugh all the way through the stage presentation. Could this be the alcohol served in the break? The difference between a film audience and a theatre audience? Late night viewing to daytime viewing? The acting? Direction? Difference between film and theatre?

Goodness knows! A very interesting exercise though. Great to see it being developed further.

Cari

Comment by Neil Bebber on October 12, 2009 at 23:56

Hi Terry.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write this. I think I originally had in mind writing these as short film. I was interested writing a short script that could use a single shot and just change the person delivering. As I wrote it, it became apparent that it might lend itself better to the stage so that's where it ended up!

I'm intrigued by your advice that it would work well as a radio play. I'd not considered this direction but I'll look into the options for moving it in this direction.

In terms of who they're addressing, the audience is a voyeur to what should be an internal monologue. The idea was to provoke similar confessional internal monologues in audience members.

I'm glad overall you enjoyed the pieces and again I appreciate your comments and will consider them as I continue to develop the piece.

Please let me know if you'd like me to contribute a "mini-work"/sushi piece!

Neil.

Comment by Terry Victor on October 12, 2009 at 9:50

First things first: an unqualified 'well done' on producing and uploading the five pieces.

I found it a little difficult to get into each successive piece for reasons that were my problem not yours. Having actors that I know (with varying degrees of familiarity) talk directly to me raised questions of identity: who they are, who they are talking to. And why? Those questioned sneaked between me and the narrative. Also, everyone used their real name except Tony. I worried at that.

When I closed my eyes the pieces became stronger. These are not, for me, visual. These are radio gems. And I can picture who is speaking.

Do you write better for women or men in your opinion? I ask because of the 3:2 ratio.

For me the first three pieces (Julie, Hannah and Nathan) are the strongest because the themes are more compact; Jimmy Choo and cups of spunk seem to stray into territory beyond the characters presented. Perhaps a less naturalistic delivery would deliver the inherent melodrama with a greater freedom and conviction.

I think I am right that you wrote these as stage pieces. Translating them to camera acting changes the stresses and rhythms. They are intimate in a different way. Which is why they feel, to me, like radio pieces. In this form it feels, almost but not entirely, like each character has the same voice and rhythm. And I suspect they have lost the brio and differentiation that a staged performance would give them.

I know from speaking to you, Neil, that you honestly hunger for comment, criticism and debate so, please, anybody else reading this, don't think I am being unnecessarily critical. Or too kind and gentle. Disagree with me by all means.

All of the above having been said I enjoyed the 15 minutes or so I spent in the company of your five people.