A: In an urn on Mum's mantelpiece.

My younger brother, Paul, was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer aged 16. Despite several invasive operations to attempt to remove his rogue cells and gruelling rounds of chemotherapy I lost a best friend, music appreciation compadre and someone to wind-up endlessly with random noises and stupid jokes in the 0ctober 2008.

The last few years I've found it incredibly difficult to talk about Paul and to put into words how life feels without him. I hadn't fully appreciated how difficult I had found it until a few weeks back at my Mothers wedding. I had planned to give a short speech and share a funny story which involved Paul, my Mother and Myself but after mentions of Paul during the Best Man and Groom speeches I found myself choked on tears unable to speak. I was completely unprepared for this reaction. I was shocked that bringing up Paul had me in tears. I want to be be able to talk about him with a smile.

The next few posts on https://stdonnelly.wordpress.com/ will be part diary, part workbook, part travel log and an account of the preparation for my performance as part of One Note Missing, were I auditioned the audience in search for a new sibling. It was what I hope will be the beginning of a one man interactive show about losing someone you love, dealing with grief and the ways we help each other to pick up the pieces.

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