Last Thursday I opened my new show "Something's Wrong with Abel" at Chapter, in front of an audience of folk who were kind enough to clap at the end of what I have to say was a rather "baggy" piece of theatre.
I know it’s profoundly unprofessional to talk disparagingly of ones own work but if it’s the truth, it’s the truth. And to be fair there were holes in that fist night big enough to park my Citroen in and that's a big car. It is of course quite normal to have a ropey opening show but what was difficult for me is that it wasn’t just the material that didn’t hold together, I was ropey too. I panicked. I absolutely lost my control of the event and threw energy at the performance, none of which stuck, until by two thirds of the way through the performance I was all but worn out. I haven’t felt or behaved like that in a long, long time.
I came away from the night feeling somewhat amateur and as if I’d let my collaborators down.
It was just around this point that I was reminded of how lucky I am to be where I am. Within 18 hours I’d had conversations with other artists who’d not only seen the show but had also seen the struggle. These friends and colleagues offered egoless and candid advice and gave support both emotional and practical to someone who could be easily perceived as a competitor in a tiny and under resourced industry. This kind of support is not easy to give. There is always risk involved when approaching someone in a vulnerable position and it’s vastly easier to just stand by and watch as they spiral and eventually crash. I didn’t have to ask. This priceless support was given freely and proactively by members of a community of which I am proud and grateful to be a part.
Within 24 hours I’d worked with Paul, Joe and Trevor to effectively transform the show. Having had the help identifying those theatrical parking-space sized holes in the material AND with the invaluable character / performance observations, I now feel proud of what I and the fella’s have made rather than afraid of it.
So thank you Chums, thank you so much. I look forward to being able to return the love, either directly or by fuelling the community as a whole.
I guess the lesson here is that there is more support close to hand than I (and I suspect many of us) realise and that people not only can help but actively want to help. I feel rankly stupid saying this since helping someone else to achieve their goal is something I gain a huge amount of personal pleasure from – why should I think that anyone else is different? We are all a lot more alike than we assume.
So I’ll end this rather rambling blog entry (and my first actually) with this advice.
In the words of Captain Malcolm Reynolds of the Firefly class transport ship Serenity:
When you can’t run you walk.
When you can’t walk you crawl.
And when you can’t crawl, you ask a friend to carry you.
Shiny
Gerald.
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