A LIFE AND DEATH BLOG POST!!
today I was given a choice between freezing to death and being burnt to death after some thought i came to the conclusion that I will always , always choose hypothermia over buring. my list of reasons are many and for the sake of convenience I will now present to you a short list why.
- disorientation and confusion: unlike fire when subjected to extreme cold one cannot simply run away from it BECAUSE IT IS EVERYWHERE! but never the less, as your brain starts to shut down, and the reptilian nodes start to fire off seemingly at random sudden urges start to take control. leading to much hilarity as you stumble around shouting incoherent gibberish while stripping off your clothes and digging a hole to die in with your frost bitten hands.
- people can find your corpse in a 1000 years time: after mistress flame has engulfed your bodies in flame or lava (fuck you minecraft, I spent two days digging that chamber) there is very little left to show that you died a horrible, horrible death. but this is not a problem with hypothermia! after getting naked, and digging a hole to die in, the bird men of the future can find your corpse and witness how your pathetic life ended. There's always hope that by using their advanced techowizardry the possibility to bring you back to life from your frozen grave could be realized. but life might be a overstatement for the predicament you could find yourself in. Because the bird-men could use you as some form of entertainment. balancing balls on the end of your nose for treats or being forced to dance while a panel of sour faced flamingos judge you silently.
- You can drink and die: many deaths are caused by drinking, but only hypothermia actively encourages drinking . Because if I know I'm going to die on some snow covered hillside I'm bringing a bottle of whiskey instead of a jumper
- and finally, you go blue: I was brought into this world as a naked blue shouting idiot. It just makes sense to go out that way.
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