Ian is a quiet, sensitive fifteen-year-old boy who would never show anger if provoked. His friends despaired of him when he was bullied and did not respond. The teachers at his school knew he was intelligent, but Ian deliberately hid his abilities because he did not wish to be different to the others in the class. One day, he returns home and finds his mother hanging in the passage of their home. Fiercely protective of her memory, he retreats within himself and has conversations with his hero Alfred Hitchcock as he tries to come to terms with the suicide of his mother and how he sees himself. Could events have turned out differently? I have included an extract from the play below.

Ian stands by the door, head lowered, as he hears a door slam off stage. Hitchcock, a smile on his face, sits on the bed. Ian yawns, walking toward him, his eyes not really focussing. There is a film poster of “The Birds” above the bed.

Ian:    Gran’s finally left. Mum’s not as bad as she sounds. She gets her good days and bad days. There’s not much for her to do except stay in the house because she is too afraid to go out. She owes people money, you see. The debts never went away. She would hide the reminders behind the settee. I never told her that I found them. What did she believe would happen to the envelopes?

 Hitchcock folds his arms over his ample stomach as Ian picks an apple from the cupboard and starts to bite it.

Hitchcock:   Families are strange bedfellows. They always flatter to deceive, Ian. I like watching people and seeing their expressions in how they react to a perplexing situation. The eyes give people away. This is why liars are always found out.

 Ian:   Mum’s bark is worse than her bite. I don’t suppose I help much because I always stay in my bedroom. This is the only place in which I feel safe.

Hitchcock:  You must remember that one can never tell what another person is thinking.

Ian:  You repeat your pearls of wisdom in different ways, Alfred.

Hitchcock:   You never had a sister?

Ian:    No. Mum would have liked a daughter.

Hitchcock:    Well, you have to show her every consideration as hard as it may seem. Every problem may be overcome. You must never show disappointment. That is the worse thing that could happen.

Ian:    I know I should do things differently. I just hesitate too long, and then it changed every time. I can no longer see her how she once was. I tried so hard to remember how she laughed. There was just this sad smile, not a happy smile when she laughed. When she did laugh, she made me giggle as well. Did she know all my secret thoughts and that I loved her?

Hitchcock:   Do I need to answer that? Sometimes it is wiser to say nothing because an untruth is better than a lie. Nobody lies deliberately unless they fear life itself. How can one live with these thoughts when one will eventually have to face reality? The world can be an ugly place then. Remember the film "The Magic Cottage".

Ian:   That was my mother's favourite, Alfred. She said beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am pleased I can talk with you.

Hitchcock: This conversation is only taking place because you have no-one else to speak with.

Ian:    I have no-one I can call a friend.

Hitchcock:   That is not true. Your friends are embarrassed because you have hidden yourself away for far too long.

Ian:    You never hid yourself away.

Hitchcock:  You have not read closely the detail that was in my biography a few months back.

Ian:  I could quote it chapter and verse if you so wish. I enjoyed the quotes from Truffaut. He understood you. Are you annoyed you never won an Oscar?

Hitchcock:   Are you familiar with the quote Billy Wilder said to a reporter?

 Ian:   Awards are like haemorrhoids. In the end, every asshole gets one.

Hitchcock:   It is nice to hear you laugh. You can talk to anyone if you trust them. Experience comes from confidence and really knowing people. You’ll learn from your mistakes. Everyone does.

Ian:   Did you make mistakes? (Ian sits on the bed and waits for an answer).Well, Maestro?

Hitchcock:   I have worked with recalcitrant cattle.

Ian:      You say some terrible things about your friends.

Hitchcock:  Use your imagination to find the solution.

Ian:   Cary Grant?

Hitchcock:    He was a gentleman who would give Scrooge a run for his money.

Ian stands up and walks around slowly.

Ian:    Montgomery Clift?

Hitchcock:   Monty was a troubled soul and should have gone back to the stage.

Ian:     Joseph Cotton?

Hitchcock:   Wrong again. Shadow of a Doubt was his best picture. He was a proper actor.

Ian:   This is going to take longer than I expected.

Hitchcock:  You’ve got to make your own mind up about people, Ian. You never rely on biographies of actors and directors after they are dead because the truth is distorted. If the person has anything worthwhile to say, they will tell their stories themselves while they are alive. Stars live by stories which are not true because it is the perfect publicity. The more outrageous a story, the more it keeps them in the public eye. Who did Orson Welles say was the greatest actor in Hollywood?

Ian:    James Cagney.

Hitchcock:  Cagney never said those famous words that people supposedly think he did. Expressions are what you need from a skilled actor. Cagney could do more with an expression than half a page of dialogue that says the same thing. . .